No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
