Need sex. Gaining weight.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize