Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
