Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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