They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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