ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
