Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
