think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
