M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
