We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
