Everything about him screamed your future.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
