well most of my day revolves around power hour
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
