we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
