so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
