Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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