census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
