is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
do herpes really smell.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
