Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
