i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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