You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
