Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
