I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
