Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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