you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
