Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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