Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
