I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
