he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
