At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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