I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
