and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
