I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
