New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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