I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
