why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
