Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
