I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
