and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
