So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
