i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
