I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
