i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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