I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
