i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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