You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
someone threw a dead crab at me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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