Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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