I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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