It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
