So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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