i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
