I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
