38 yer olds are good kisserssss
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
