I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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